


je veux de l'amour

by itsukishus



Series: lesbian rarepair [1]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Kind of fluffy, Pining, i'm sorry @jesus @god, its shu and mao and they're lesbians thanks, theres some internalized homophobia and religious shit in here fyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 19:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14940273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsukishus/pseuds/itsukishus
Summary: She really did mean to move Isara’s hand a few centimetres from where it was before, but she couldn’t bring herself to, not when the hand resting in hers was as soft and neat and almost as cute as Nito’s. Despite playing guitar, Isara’s hands were much softer than Kagehira’s, possibly even softer than her own. Shu took a moment to study Isara’s features; the smaller girl had dark circles, but otherwise her skin was a soft and clear and smooth as her hands. She dropped Isara’s hand back to the table and turned back to the paperwork, intent on perfecting it before waking her up and shoving her from the Handicrafts room and out of her mind.Thirty minutes. What should have taken no more than ten minutes of Shu’s precious time took thirty minutes because she couldn’t help herself from glancing over at the girl sleeping at Aoba’s work table. If there was even the slightest hitch in Isara’s breath, Shu found her gaze torn away from the paperwork in front of her and to her left, where Isara, she discovered, was speaking quietly in her sleep.





	je veux de l'amour

Isara’s hands were soft, considering her skill with guitar.

Shu had never much considered Isara in general; Trickstar didn’t come to her for unit outfits, preferring to rely on Kiryuu before the little girl transferred in.

Isara had only come in that day to make clarifications on paperwork for a live that Kagehira had filled out. Shu told her to take a seat while she fixed Kagehira’s errors and the other girl had fallen asleep with her head resting on her arms. Shu had only meant to adjust her slightly, to keep her arms from falling asleep while she double, no, triple checked the paperwork to make sure there wasn’t so much as a punctuation error, and in doing so she’d lightly taken Isara’s hand in her own.

She really did mean to move Isara’s hand a few centimetres from where it was before, but she couldn’t bring herself to, not when the hand resting in hers was as soft and neat and almost as cute as Nito’s. Despite playing guitar, Isara’s hands were much softer than Kagehira’s, possibly even softer than her own. Shu took a moment to study Isara’s features; the smaller girl had dark circles, but otherwise her skin was a soft and clear and smooth as her hands. She dropped Isara’s hand back to the table and turned back to the paperwork, intent on perfecting it before waking her up and shoving her from the Handicrafts room and out of her mind.

Thirty minutes. What should have taken no more than ten minutes of Shu’s precious time took thirty minutes because she couldn’t help herself from glancing over at the girl sleeping at Aoba’s work table. If there was even the slightest hitch in Isara’s breath, Shu found her gaze torn away from the paperwork in front of her and to her left, where Isara, she discovered, was speaking quietly in her sleep.

After her second time looking over the paperwork, she woke Isara harshly and kicked her out, almost forgetting to shove the papers into her hand before she shut the door in Isara’s face. She fanned herself lightly, almost embarrassed that she could possibly spend 20 minutes staring at someone when there’s already too much on her plate and _far_ too much on her mind.

“I understand why Ritsu-chan adores her so much.” Shu looked at her worktable warily, before responding to Mademoiselle.

“Yes, it appears she’s not the worst girl this school has to offer.”

.

Shu tried to start finding reasons to interact with Isara more, without really knowing why. She knew Isara was constantly busy with student council work, Trickstar, and what could really only be described as babysitting the younger Sakuma, but Shu found herself drawn to Isara like a moth to flame.

She brought it up once, to Kagehira in the middle of the night when she was half asleep, barely catching herself from mentioning a name instead of being vague about who she wanted to see. Kagehira had woken up for a glass of water, and teased Shu about having a crush. Irritated, Shu demanded she went back to bed and keep her mouth shut.

Having a crush on another girl was wrong and filthy and that was definitely not what Shu felt. 

.

The opportunity to see Isara rose again, and though it wasn’t exactly what Shu had in mind, she’d take what she could get. They were in Rei’s clubroom, Isara was there because Rei was training her for something; Shu was there because she needed to take Rei’s measurements.

 “My clothes are a little too tight,” Rei had said, and Shu was in her clubroom with her measuring tape and a small notepad within five minutes. She met Isara at the door, who looked confused yet said nothing, and took Rei’s measurements while wishing she was actively sewing so she could stab Rei a few times with only minor repercussions. 

Rei stood perfectly still, only moving when and how Shu asked her to, grinning like the Cheshire cat all the while.

Shu needed to corner Kagehira as soon as they were alone. She knew that Rei knew everything in the school, but how Rei would manage to get information on her wanting to see Isara again boiled down to the only other person who would know. 

.

She was almost convinced Kagehira was lying about talking to Rei until Isara’s name slipped and Kagehira interrupted her with a loud “That’s who you have a crush on then!” 

She was ashamed and humiliated, and angry with herself for letting her composure slip.

“I don’t have a crush, Kagehira, especially on another girl. It’s filthy and wrong and I won’t let that happen. Leave.”

Kagehira muttered something at the doorway, but left anyway, shutting the door softly behind her. Shu pinched the bridge of her nose and looked to Mademoiselle, not knowing if talking to her would help her clear her mind any or just make her more confused.

“It,” she paused, trying to figure out how to word her thoughts concisely. “It is wrong, to have feelings for another girl that cross the line of platonic, yes?” 

“I think, Shu-chan, it’s not wrong to do what makes you happy.”

.

Shu decided her best bet was to take her confusion to Rei to try and make sense of it. Rei did speak like an old man, but was understanding and did try to her best to explain things in a way that would make sense to Shu, even if they didn’t make sense immediately.

It probably also helped that Rei was probably the gayest girl in school.

Rei didn’t leave her coffin, instead she swung her legs over the side and sat, listening to Shu as she paced the clubroom and didn’t _rant_ so much as complain about being confused. She sat next to Rei when the other girl patted the space in the coffin next to her, sighing heavily and resting her head on Rei’s shoulder.

“What exactly, is it that _you_ see in Isara?” Rei asked softly, bringing her hand up to stroke Shu’s hair. “Besides her soft hands.” 

“I honestly couldn’t tell you; I don’t know.”

Rei hummed quietly, her hand stilling. Shu wanted to whine. “I know it’s hard to break away from that sort of upbringing. I’m not particularly religious, but if it helps, we can pray?” Shu shook her head.

“God must think I’m a failure.”

“I do recall the bible saying somewhere that God loves all of his children equally, and I do recall Jesus promoting love, but nice try.” Rei took Shu’s face in her hands. “I can arrange something. Not quite a date, but I _do_ live next door to Isara-chan, and she respects me even if my little sister doesn’t.” Shu shook her head.

“Honestly, Rei, I don’t even know if I like her. She’s pretty and has soft hands.” Shu took a deep breath. “Even if I did like her, I’m not—”

“Your God isn’t so cruel to send you to Hell for having feelings.” Rei moved one of her hands from Shu’s face back into her hair. “What does Kagehira have to say about this, she has feelings for that girl in her class, does she not?”

Shu blinked, trying to figure out who Rei was talking about. “The second year in Knights? The blonde one?” Rei nodded, humming again. “I wasn’t aware of this, but Kagehira probably thinks it best not to talk to me about these sorts of things.”

Rei turned to face the door again and let Shu rest her head on her shoulder. “Maybe you should open up to Kagehira more.” Shu took a deep breath. “Make her swear to secrecy, swear to secrecy yourself. If she’s pining, she could probably help you more than I could. I do have what I want.” Shu nodded.

“I don’t know if Kagehira would be comfortable talking to me about this.”

“We could have a girl’s night again,” Rei grinned, “like we used to last year. Just the five of us, a few bottles of sake, all gay girl feelings and intuition.”

“With Wataru dating… _that_ , I’m not sure it’s for the best.”

“Shu-chan, if she’s drunk she’ll probably spill the beans about how much Tenshouin sucks in th—”

“Rei, I’ll pass on that one.” Rei laughed. “Besides, I’d much rather hear about how Natsume is torturing Aoba, or how much Kanata loves Chiaki.” Shu took a breath and turned her head slightly to look at Rei. “Personally, I’d rather hear about the kind of exploits you and that second year get up to.”

Rei laughed again, her shoulders shaking Shu’s head.

“Well, the puppy is in class with Isara-chan, so maybe we should invite her over too.”

“And have drag you off her every five minutes once you get drunk? I’ll pass on that too, thanks.”

“Okay, so no alcohol. But Natsume is going to want to do a reading for the five of us.”

“Four, four of us there.”

“Five, I’m inviting the puppy.”

"You’d fuck her sober, too.”

“I most certainly would not, but because of your discomfort, we’ll leave her out of this one. I’ll speak with Kanata and Wataru to plan a night around our lives, okay?” Shu nodded. “But speaking of my puppy, she and Isara-chan should be here soon. Don’t leave yet.”

Shu tilted her head back to rest against the coffin lid and suppressed the urge to groan. “I don’t need to be seen like this.”

“Nobody has to know that you’re having a gay crisis, and while I’m with Koga, you could ask Isara-chan what moisturizer she uses on her hands.”

“I would have to explain how I know her hands are soft, Rei, and I really don’t want to do that.”

“Your hands look soft, Isara-chan, what moisturizer do you use on them?” Rei teased, her voice rising in pitch to mimic Shu’s. Shu blushed and raised her own hands to her face to cover it.

“You can’t just tease me like this, Rei!”

“But you’re in my clubroom, and if I came to you in the same predicament, you certainly would tease me. In all reality, Isara-chan can be a little dense and using the ‘they look soft’ excuse, she would probably fall for it and bring you a bottle tomorrow.”

“A bottle of what?” Shu and Rei both looked up at the doorway; neither of them had noticed the door open, nor Isara or Koga enter. “I heard my name and that I would bring someone a bottle?” Isara continued.

“Lotion, for your hands,” Shu spoke. Isara looked confused for a moment but reached into her bag and pulled out a small bottle.

“I don’t know the brand,” she said, opening the cap. “My parents bought it for me for Christmas last year and I have them bring more home every now and then because I like the way it smells.” Isara squeezed a small amount out onto Shu’s hands. “I just use this much every time I wash my hands and after I finish guitar practice and its keeps my hands soft.” Shu sat, frozen, so Isara took her hands and put them together. “I can bring my big bottle to school tomorrow for you to keep in your clubroom if you’d like.” Shu nodded, finally gathering her senses enough to rub the lotion in.

“I would appreciate that, thank you.” She took a breath. “Is this the only scent or are there others?”

“I have this one and a floral one at home, I think.”

“Ah, can you bring the floral then?” Isara grinned.

“Yeah, of course.” She turned to Rei. “Could you possibly convince your sister to walk to school tomorrow? I carried her again today and I think I’m going to have to go to the chiropractor by the end of this week.”

.

Shu felt broken. Since Isara had taken her hands that morning, her brain short circuited itself and she had to excuse herself from her classes, her club activities, and Valkyrie activities so she could go home and try to compose herself.  Kagehira had expressed concern, Shu rarely skipped, but Shu had brushed it off, telling Kagehira that she would explain when she got home.

She spent time praying, asking God if potentially having a crush on a girl was okay, and pleading for forgiveness in advance in case it wasn’t.

Shu essentially forced Kagehira to spill the beans on her feelings about the blonde from Knights, promising not to mock her or belittle her feelings. In turn, Shu told Kagehira that while she was unsure of how she felt, she _might_ have a crush on Isara, and Kanata would take care of Kagehira’s body for her if anyone found out.

Kagehira brought up the point of Isara being on the student council, and a member of Trickstar; Shu countered with Narukami being a member of Knights before excusing herself to take a bath.

“Oh, Oshi-san,” Kagehira called when Shu was shutting the door. “Just in case you do have a crush and it goes anywhere, you may want to start keeping your nails a little shorter.”

Shu called Rei after she soaked in the bath for a moment, and when she didn’t answer, Shu got Koga’s number from Kagehira.

Rei wasn’t happy when she answered, and laughed at her when she asked _why_ Kagehira would give her that advice. Shu could hear Koga in the background, asking, _non_ , demanding to know what was so funny, and she could hear Koga’s laughter join in after Rei explained.

“This is betrayal, Sakuma,” she whispered when Rei quieted down.

Rei laughed again, “this is perfect, beautiful, wonderful. I can’t wait until you start experimenting.” Shu blushed and stammered out half an excuse to get off the phone before she hung up and tossed it across the bathroom. She sunk down into the tub, the water coming up to just under her nose. She wasn’t sure how long she planned on staying in the bath, probably forever if it meant she wouldn’t have to face Rei.

She didn’t want to experiment, she didn’t want sex; she simply wanted to hold Isara’s hands with no repercussions.

. 

Isara was waiting for her outside the clubroom when she got to school the next day. She was leaning against the wall, her legs crossed at the ankles, her smartphone in one hand and a pink bottle in the other. Shu froze, taking a second to adjust her uniform, hair, and school bag before clearing her throat lightly. 

“Isara,” she said, immediately hating herself for the way her voice shook. Isara looked up, fingertip freezing over her phone screen and she grinned and locked her phone and tucked it into a pocket in her school bag.

“Good morning, Itsuki-senpai.” She pushed herself off the wall and fixed her posture. “I know you asked for the floral, and I brought it! But I also brought a bigger bottle of the kind I let you use yesterday in case you don’t like this one.” Shu unlocked the clubroom door and held it open so that Isara could enter the room before her. Isara moved to the desk she’d sat at before, reaching to put the lotion down on the top.

Shu stopped her by grabbing her arm, and Isara froze and turned back. “That. That’s Aoba’s desk,” Shu said softly. “Mine is the one closest to the window.”

“Ah,” was all that Isara said, and they stood there for a moment. “Itsuki-senpai.”  Shu hummed. “Can you let go of my arm?”

Shu blushed and dropped her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine!” Isara smiled at her before stepping to Shu’s desk. “Is there anywhere in particular you want it or can I just—”

“Put it in one of the back corners, so it’s out of the way when I’m working.” Isara nodded.

“If you don’t like that scent, you can either tell Sakuma-senpai, so she can let me know, or come find me. If I’m not in my classroom, I’m probably in the student council room. The president has been gone a lot lately, so you won’t have to deal with her if you want the other bottle.” Shu nodded and took the bottle off the desk, popping the cap so she could smell it. Isara perked up, her eyes wide as she leaned in.

“It’s nice,” Shu said, smiling at her. “It’s not overwhelming, so I’m probably going to have to hide it from Kagehira and Aoba.”

Isara laughed and adjusted her school bag on her shoulder. “I think, since it’s you, if you just glare at them when they try to use it, they won’t even think about the bottle again.” Shu looked at Isara, almost debating glaring at her, when Isara laughed. “ _That_ look should scare them plenty.” Shu frowned, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“It’s not that scary,” she said, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t pouting.

Isara laughed, “I’m pretty sure most of your underclassmen fear you, especially the first years. It’s not that you’re scary, you just always look ready to bite someone’s head off.”

Shu folded her hands over her chest and closed her eyes. “I don’t look _that_ mean.”

“I never said you look mean!” Isara countered, “I said you look…murderous.” She laughed. “That doesn’t really help my case, does it?”

“Isara, I’ve never even thought about committing homicide,” Shu stressed, “I was raised Catholic, we just passive aggressively pray for everyone.” Isara laughed and pulled out Shu’s chair, sitting down and crossing her legs.

“How do you passive aggressively pray?”

Shu cleared her throat. “’Jesus, I really do wish Isara-chan the best in life but if she fell and broke her leg right now, I probably wouldn’t take her to the hospital, is that wrong?’” Isara laughed, bringing her hand up to push her hair out of her face.

“ _Christ_ , couldn’t you at least call an ambulance?”

Shu shook her head, letting the hair she’d previously pushed behind her ear fall free.  She reached up to push it back again. “No, I already asked if it’s okay to let you suffer on the floor.” Isara laughed again; Shu felt like she could listen to that sound forever. Isara’s phone rang once and when she checked it, she cursed under her breath.

“Class starts in three minutes,” she said, standing up. She rifled through her bag for a second before she pulled out a hair clip. “I know the yellow is going to probably clash with your hair colour, but if you keep pushing your hair out of your face like you are, it’s just going to get greasy fast,” she said, taking Shu’s hand in her own to drop the hair clip in. Isara smiled, turned, and walked off, leaving Shu gaping and staring at the clip in her hand before she reached up, tucked her hair properly, and used Isara’s clip to secure it. She closed the top of the lotion bottle she’d opened earlier, turned off the lights, and instead of walking to her class, she made her way to Rei’s club room. If she had to pine and suffer, she was going to make Rei suffer just by listening.

.

Rei didn’t laugh at her, but instead told her to _do something about it_ and handed over her smartphone so she could charge it and get Isara’s email out of it.

She didn’t do anything for days, occasionally opening her messaging app to message Isara but always force closing the app and locking her phone. She tried to ask Kagehira to invite Isara over _or whatever_ and the second year laughed in her face and told her to do it herself.

Kagehira had gotten brave, or she was just taking advantage of Shu’s confusion.

.

It took Shu six days, seventeen hours, and twenty-four minutes exactly to send Isara a message (she swore to Kagehira that she wasn’t counting or anything.) Isara didn’t reply immediately, and Shu was concerned before realizing that it was nearly midnight. Shu supposed she was fretting over nothing, Isara was probably in bed and not even awake to appeal to Shu’s unreasonable demands about possibly going to a café with her because Kagehira planned on blowing her off and she didn’t want to take Mademoiselle in public. Isara replied sometime while Shu was washing her face for the night, asking how Shu even got her number and saying she would go, but only if she had money. Shu replied that it was on her, she’d be inconveniencing Isara and that she would let Isara know when they would go in the morning.

Shu climbed into bed and plugged her phone in, and she pulled her blankets up and checked her phone one more time to see another text from Isara that simply said, “ _Sleep well, Itsuki-senpai!_ ”

Shu threw her phone onto her bedside table, pulled her blankets over her face, and tried to sleep.

.

Isara came by the handicrafts clubroom first thing in the morning for some lotion and to verify a time with Shu. Shu thought for a moment before becoming temporarily distracted by Isara rubbing the lotion into her hands. Shu reached up and took Isara’s hands into her own and rubbed them softly with her thumbs.

“Does Saturday at eleven work for you?” Shu asked, and Isara nodded. “Good.” Isara’s hands really were perfect. “You have beautiful hands,” she said, her thumbs stilling over Isara’s. Isara looked away, blushing.

“So, Saturday at noon?”

“Eleven, Is-,” she cut herself off. “Mao-chan.” Mao’s blush deepened, her face almost as red as her hair. “We can meet up in front of the station. Let me know if you’re going to be late.” Mao nodded and took that as the dismissal it was, excusing herself and backing out of the room.

Once the door clicked shut, Shu buried her face in her hands and tried not to scream.

. 

Shu was spending more time in the light music club room than she ever had before. Currently Rei and Koga were both laughing at her, and Rei was teasing her about finally becoming a flirt.

“It’s not like I could control myself!” Shu said indignantly, turning away from them.

“ _Mao-chan,”_ Koga mocked in a high voice. Shu thought she sounded nothing like that.

“Now, now, don’t mock her. Shu’s never been on a date before.” Rei was laying in her coffin, propped up on one elbow.

“ _Mon dieu,_ I have a date,” Shu whispered, bringing her hands up to her face.

Rei and Koga both stared at her for a moment before Koga spoke quietly. “You really have no clue what you’re doing, do you?”

“Oh, she knows nothing.”

Shu shrugged, “there’s never been a reason for me to know anything.” Rei patted her head softly.

“What are you going to wear?” Shu glanced over at her.

“I don’t know. Something.”

Rei snorted. “I’m going to talk to Wataru and Kanata, see if they’re willing to move our Saturday to Friday evening so we can sort your life out. I’m sure Ritsu will help Isara-chan get her shit together.” Shu nodded.

“Kagehira said she’s staying over with that Knights’ second year; we don’t have anything planned as Valkyrie for Saturday anyway.” Rei nodded.

“Shu-chaaaaaaan, we’re gonna make you look so cute!” Her hands were over Shu’s, still resting on Shu’s face.

“Please stop touching me, my face is going to get greasy and I have a _date._ ”

The door slammed.

“I forgot about Isara’s training. Oops.” Shu snatched Rei’s hands off her face and stood sharply.

The door opened again. “Is this a private conversation or am I okay to come in?” Isara asked, peeking into the room from behind the door.

“Isara-chan, come in, come in!” Mao entered the room slowly, staring at Rei warily. “Tell me, what are you planning on wearing to this _date_ on Saturday?” Isara was avoiding looking at Shu; her face almost as red as her hair for the second time that day.

“I don’t know yet, Sakuma-senpai. I was going to try to figure that out when I got home.” Rei crossed the room and pulled her into a hug.

“Wear something cute!” She pinched Isara’s cheek. “You’re always so cute.” She nuzzled her face into Isara’s hair. “And so much nicer than my sister. If you need anything cute to wear, you can raid her closet. It’s not like she wears much besides pajamas after school anyway.”

“I know, Sakuma-senpai,” Isara sighed. “Besides, it’s not like I don’t own cute clothes. I’m sure I can find something. And I don’t think Ritchan’s clothes would fit me very well; we have different body types.” Rei nodded and whispered something in Isara’s ear. Isara blushed and nodded. “A-are we training today?”

Rei nodded, “just let me kick Shu out.” Shu pushed herself away from the coffin.

“Is Friday at my house or yours?” Rei looked at her like she was stupid.

“Yours, we’re going to go through every article of clothing you own.”  

.

Friday was uneventful. Even having the other oddballs in her house was _nothing_ compared to the nervousness Shu felt towards having a _date_ with her _crush_ the next day. She was waiting in front of the station, hands curled around her phone, her foot tapping an indiscriminate beat on the ground.

Mao was running late for Shu, who had to be everywhere no less than twenty minutes early. Shu was nervous, what if Mao was late, what if she didn’t show up, what if she showed up in _sweatpants?_ Shu looked like she didn’t even dress herself (she didn’t, Kanata and Rei helped dress her and they didn’t do horrible) and didn’t have Mademoiselle with her and felt like she looked like a wreck.

Mao showed up at the station five minutes to eleven and Shu had never in her life seen a girl look more beautiful. Mao wasn’t particularly feminine; she was small and fit, but she’d never really been _feminine_ whereas Shu could, in Wataru’s words, officially call herself _high femme._ Mao’s look suited her; she’d never gotten her hairclip back from Shu (she was actually using it, an ugly yellow clip to hold her curls to the back of her head and out of her face) so her bangs were braided and pinned back, and she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans with a t-shirt.  Shu smiled when she saw her and stood up straighter, using her height to her advantage to get Mao’s attention.

Mao made her way to Shu quickly, apologizing for making her wait before offering her an arm. “I have no idea where we’re going, actually,” she said once Shu linked arms with her. “But it’s pretty busy and I don’t want to lose you in the crowd.”

Shu laughed, “if anything, I’m going to lose _you._ ”

Mao scrunched her nose before looking over at Shu. “You look cute today, by the way. Not that you don’t look cute _every day,_ I mean I’m pretty sure that you can’t leave your house without looking cute but, you look cute.” Shu laughed and used her arm to pull Mao closer.

“I can’t leave my house without looking cute, _non,_ but thank you.”

Shu started to lead the way to the café she liked with Mao trailing behind her. Mao was quiet, following behind her with her hands clasped behind her back. Shu glanced back over her shoulder a few times at her, and every time she looked, Mao was looking somewhere new. Shu stopped, turned, and held her hand out to Mao.  “You’re so small, I might lose you in the crowd.”

Mao huffed and glared at Shu, “I’m not much shorter than you.” She took Shu’s hand anyway, though.

Shu had never held anyone’s hand for longer than a few minutes, and she’d only held hands while watching horror movies with the other oddballs. What if her hand started sweating? Surely Mao would think that’s gross.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Mao tugged her hand lightly. She looked down, confused, and Mao’s face was red. Was she blushing? “You’re walking a little too fast. I have to jog to keep up with you.”

Shu bit her lip to stifle a laugh. “ _Adorable,”_ she whispered, tugging Mao closer to her. “Hurry up, we’re almost there.” Mao huffed and walked faster, her gaze on the ground.

“This really is a date, isn’t it?”

Shu looked down at her. “It doesn’t have to be.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want it to be, though. I just didn’t really realize you wanted to go on a date.” She took a deep breath. “I would have actually dressed cuter but I thought Sakuma-senpai was just messing with me.”

“It’s the next building,” Shu said, tugging Mao’s hand so she would slow down. “We can talk inside,” she promised, releasing Mao’s hand so she could open the door. She let Mao pick a table, a booth in a corner; it was good, private. Shu could have a conversation about how she felt there. They were handed menus once they were seated, and the booth was quiet.

It wasn’t awkward, even though Shu felt like it _should_ be. She let Mao order first, laughing and hiding her face behind a menu when Mao ordered order a triple shot of straight espresso and a glass of ice water. She told their waiter that she’d let Shu order food for her, Shu knew the café better than she did.

(Shu had only actually been here once before, most of the time the sent Mika here to pick up a couple croissants for her and she’d only seen the menu once.)

Shu ordered herself a plain croissant and a cappuccino; she rarely indulged herself with caffeine, but she’d been up late the night before with the other oddballs and she felt tired and wanted to be awake and alert enough to catch Mao’s every breath.

She ordered two chocolate croissants for Mao. It wouldn’t fill her up but she could use that as an excuse to spend more time with her.

“So, about our conversation earlier,” Mao said softly when their waiter walked off to put their orders in.

Shu took a deep breath. “I spoke with Rei about you a few times. I can promise you she wasn’t teasing.” Mao looked down and the table, blushing. Shu reached over to take her hand. “I do love your hands,” she whispered, tapping her fingertips over Mao’s. “They’re why this all started.” Mao finally looked up, confused. Shu continued, “You fell asleep in my clubroom, remember? But the way you had fallen asleep looked uncomfortable, and I didn’t want you to lose feeling in your arms.”

Mao laughed, “that is probably the most ridiculous reason I’ve ever heard for liking someone.”

“They’re so soft, and I’ve seen you play guitar. There’s no way they should feel like that, but they do. I think I hyperfocused on you then.” Shu picked one of Mao’s hands up off the table. “You take such good care of them and my only thought was that it’s possible that your hands are cuter than Nito’s.” Shu paused and let Mao’s hand rest over hers. “I don’t know when it started; it felt like you invaded my thoughts. I didn’t even realize that I had a crush until I asked Kagehira to help me sort my thoughts. Speaking to Rei didn’t help.  She could lend her ear, but she never had to pine for Koga so she couldn’t really relate to how I felt. I felt like drowning myself in the bath after I accidentally told Kagehira _who_ my crush was; I’m shocked she didn’t tell you. I _did_ threaten her with having Kanata hide her dead body though, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Mika-chan told me that she told you to start keeping her nails short, why?” Shu blushed and pulled her hands away from Mao’s to hide her face in them.

“Ask Rei! Don’t talk to me about that, just ask Rei!”

“Oh, sex? Why were you and Mika talking about sex? I know she’s never…but neither have you?”

“ _Non_! I’m not talking about this!”

Mao laughed, “I understand, but you don’t exactly have to keep them short if you know what you’re doing. Some girls prefer it, though.” She paused, “I notice that you’re wearing my hair clip today.”

“Yes, you were right when you let me borrow it, it looks hideous with my hair color.” Mao snorted. “I can give it back to you later.”

“It’s fine, and I was wrong. You make it look nice.” Shu’s blush from Mao bringing up sex deepened.

“Don’t flatter me, Mao-chan.”

.

The café was nice. Mao quit asking about Shu’s private conversations with Rei, choosing instead to tease her about trimming her nails once they left. They walked aimlessly, making their way shopping district so Mao could pick up a couple new pairs of pants. She told Shu that her weight fluctuated, and right now she was on the lower end and she didn’t like wearing belts.

Shopping with Mao was easy, and Mao told her that she could count on her to be honest about how she looked.

“You’d tell me if I look terrible,” she said, and Shu scoffed.

“You could wear a burlap sack and look good.” She paused. “Maybe with a belt though, to cinch the waist. You’re small enough that a cinched waist would give your body more of a shape.”

Mao bought two pairs of jeans and they left the shopping district, Mao’s pinky linked with hers. She swung their hands lightly between them as they walked. Initially, Shu had planned on walking Mao back to the station, but she found herself drawn to Mao more than usual.

“Mao.” The younger girl stopped talking about Chiaki’s need to hug her every time they saw each other in the hallway and glanced at Shu. “Would you like to come over? I don’t want to leave you quite yet.”

They ended up at Shu’s house, locked in Shu’s room so they wouldn’t bother Kagehira. She was practicing her sewing during a homework break, focused enough that she didn’t greet Shu when she got home.

Mao was sprawled out on Shu’s bed, looking through her sketchbook. Shu pulled her desk chair over to the side of the bed, occasionally commenting and answering questions Mao had about her designs.

Shu was nervous; the only other girls she’d had in her room before were the oddballs, and even then, none of them made themselves as comfortable in her bed as fast as Mao did.

Eventually Mao had flipped to the last page and closed the sketchbook before she stretched, yawned, and patted the bed.

“Come snuggle with me.” Shu froze.

“Is this normal?”

Mao shrugged, “sometimes. You’ve been flirting with me for like, a month though so I don’t mind.” Shu moved from the chair to the edge of the bed and traced her finger down one of Mao’s braids. Mao smiled warmly and patted the spot next to her again. “If you’re not comfortable with it, we don’t have to.”

Shu shook her head, “I want to, I’m just trying to… I don’t know, mentally prepare myself.” She laid herself down next to Mao on her side, facing her with an arm tucked under her head. Mao smiled at her and scooted closer, dropping her arm over Shu’s waist and pushing her face into Shu’s chest.

“You smell nice,” she whispered, the sound muffled by Shu’s shirt.

“Mao-chan, I… don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Anything; get comfortable.” Shu shifted for a minute, trying to make herself as comfortable as possible with Mao _right there_ and settled into the position that she was in before, but with her arm tucked securely under her pillow, a leg between Mao’s, and her arm over Mao’s waist.

Mao hummed, content, before she scooted up the bed slightly and kissed Shu softly on the jaw. “Thank you.”

Shu blushed and stared at the corner where her walls met the ceiling. “Can I kiss you?” Mao’s face was pressed harder against her chest. “Kissing is customary for a first date, isn’t it?” Mao’s hand traced up Shu’s side slowly, as if she was thinking about something while moving.

“Are you sure?”

Shu paused for a moment, and then nodded. “Absolutely.”

Mao’s hand froze and she propped herself up on her elbow to stare at Shu before she continued tracing her hand up, past Shu’s breast to her collarbone and neck. “If you want to stop, let me know.” Shu nodded and Mao’s fingers curled behind her neck and she leaned down, her body weight pushing Shu against the mattress. “I’m serious, any time you want to stop. Just, please don’t bite me.”

Shu nodded again, “I’m positive, Mao, just do it.” Mao leaned in and pressed her lips to Shu’s jaw gently, before dropping soft kisses gently up, over her cheekbones and one on the tip of her nose before her lips, soft and slow and gentle and everything she felt Shu deserved in a first kiss.

She pulled away slowly, allowing Shu to process exactly what was happening. Shu bit her lip before speaking softly. “Again.” Mao smiled and pulled her closer, letting Shu lead the kiss.

When Shu said “again,” what she had apparently meant was “more,” because she used the arm over Mao’s waist to pull her closer and deepened the kiss.

Nothing became more heated between them, even when Shu hitched the leg between Mao’s up and Mao fingers moved from her neck into her hair to keep her head in place.

Shu broke the kiss when she felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest.

“Is it always like this?” she asked, and Mao shrugged and shifted her weight again to rest her head on Shu’s shoulder.

“I wouldn’t say always. Ritchan could be really sloppy.” Shu shifted so that the arm that was previously under her head was wrapped around Mao, and took one of Mao’s hands with the other.

“So, Ritsu was your first?”

Mao hummed, “she told me that you can’t truly call someone your childhood best friend if they didn’t kiss you before you both turned ten.”

“That’s nonsense; I’ve never kissed Kiryuu.”

Mao nodded, “I know.” Her thumb traced over the back of Shu’s hand. Shu blushed.

“I’m s-“

“You don’t have to defend it, Shu-chan. Some things aren’t for everyone and you were raised particularly religious, if I recall correctly?”

“Yes; I actually struggled a lot with coming to terms with this. Having a crush on you, going on a date with you. I wouldn’t say my family were homophobic, but you know, being gay is a sin and all that.”

Mao scoffed, “I don’t believe in any of that, personally. I don’t really know where I stand in terms of religion but how good can a god be if his followers think to put people down instead of what his book asks for, like love, respect, and peace?” Shu nodded.

“Speaking with Rei helped a lot, if I’m being honest. She understands my upbringing.” Shu took a deep breath. “She even offered to pray with me if I needed her to, and she’s not religious, like, at all.”

Mao lifted her head, “Sakuma-senpai offered to _pray_?”

Shu hummed and took her hand from Mao’s to stroke her face lightly. “I want to kiss you again.” Mao’s head dropped and she blushed.

“You’re going to turn into an _addict_ and the next thing I know, we’re both getting reprimanded for making out in the hallways too much.”

“Maybe you’ll get kicked off the student council and I’ll never have to worry about Tenshouin knowing _anything_ about my personal life.”

“If I go, the next in line for the president position is Himemiya Tori, which, maybe if she was like poor or something and didn’t refer to everyone else as her slave, that would be fine, but hey it won’t be your problem come March.”

Shu bit her lip. “A girl can _dream_.”

“Himemiya didn’t even know what Valkyrie was.” And with that, Mao lifted a hand to Shu’s face to drag it down so she could kiss her again.

“To think that my Valkyrie has sunk so low,” Shu whispered, breaking the kiss.

“If you keep talking about units and school, I’m going home and never kissing you again.” Shu whined softly, but shut up.

“Fine, just, kiss me until you have to go home, then.”  Mao’s lips were softer than her hands, and Shu sincerely felt like she could spend hours kissing her.

.

They didn’t kiss the whole time Mao was over, cuddling and taking a nap after Ritsu kept her up all night was high on Mao’s list of priorities, and Shu’s bed was so comfortable it should have been illegal, and with Mao’s pout, Shu would have been a demon from the sixth circle of hell if she had said no.

Mao slept in Shu’s arms for three and a half hours before waking up and asking groggily about food. They went back out to find something to take home, Mao even indulging Shu and letting her fix her hair (after telling Shu that she was _not_ to be treated like one of her dolls; Shu could easily manage that.)

They stopped at a park after getting food, not to eat, but to spend more time with each other before Mao had to go home for the night.

They ate with Mika, and Mao convinced Shu to walk her home and hang out for a while.

.

Shu ended up spending the night at Mao’s house. Mao loaned her a pair of shorts to wear to sleep (the only thing she had that would fit Shu’s legs without looking like capris at best, high waters at worst, neither of which a thing Shu would actually wear) and a shirt and she’d even asked her sister to check downstairs to see if there were any spare toothbrushes so Shu could brush her teeth after she took a shower. Shu warned Mao that her shortest shower in the past couple months was 15 minutes, and Mao laughed and kicked her out. “I’ll bring you a toothbrush, no matter what. Go get clean so we can sleep.”

Shu’s shower lasted 23 minutes, and that was long enough for Mao to run next door and demand Rei give her one of the new, unopened toothbrushes in the bathroom (she had to promise an explanation, but she could blow off the Sakuma sisters and avoid all their questions and comments like nobody else in the school; it was a perk of being their neighbor, probably).

She knocked on the bathroom door to give Shu the toothbrush when she heard the hair dryer running. Shu cracked the door open and returned to drying her hair, an open invitation for Mao to come in.

All of Mao’s clothes were just _slightly_ too small for Shu. With her arms raised to dry her hair, Mao’s shirt rode up, revealing just a little bit of soft skin.

“You’re looking at me like you want to eat me,” Shu said. Mao shrugged.

“There’s a size small shirt on your size medium length torso.  I’m allowed to stare.” Shu hummed and rifled through the drawers in the bathroom for a hair tie.  “I never noticed how long your hair is.”

“It’s curly, so it loses some length when it dries.” Mao nodded. “I’m going to braid my hair and brush my teeth; do you need to get a futon or anything ready while I’m finishing up?”

Mao blushed. “My sister’s room is getting remodeled, so she’s using the spare futon…I can go get one from Ritchan if you don’t want to sleep in my bed.”

Shu’s hands froze over her head. “Where are you going to sleep?”

“My bed?”

"That. That’s fine. But I didn’t trim my nails, so you know.”

Mao laughed, “I didn’t expect you to and I don’t expect _that_ from you when we just had our first date. I just want to snuggle you and be close to you for a little while longer.” Shu tied her braid off and leaned over to kiss Mao’s forehead.

“Let me brush my teeth, I’ll be in in a moment.”

.

Mao slept _hot._ She’d turned her fan on in her room and apologized to Shu if it bothered her, then snuggled up to Shu’s right side and promptly fell asleep. She didn’t even give Shu a goodnight kiss, which was ridiculous and just plain _rude_. She didn’t move a lot in her sleep, but Shu had woken up at 3 am, sweating, with Mao clinging to her with more limbs than seemed humanly possible.

She tried going back to sleep, and when that didn’t work, she tried pulling away from Mao.

That didn’t go in her favor either.

So, she woke Mao up.

Mao didn’t even look surprised. She didn’t even have the audacity to look sheepish. “You can kick the blankets off and spoon me,” she had said, climbing back into bed and pulling Shu’s arm over her waist.

Shu was thankful that the only light in the room actually came from Ritsu’s room next door. “You smell like me anyway,” Mao whined. “Not like you. I like you.” Shu buried her face in Mao’s hair. “Smell good. And you’re nice. To me at least. And cute and your hair is so soft and pretty and there’s probably magic in your fingers.” She nodded to herself twice and it was quiet and Shu listened to her breathing even out and kissed the back of Mao’s neck before falling asleep again.

.

Mao was a horrible, ugly, disgusting, terrible morning person.

Shu woke up at 6:30, and Mao had already been up for an hour and a half at that point. She had gone for a run, dragging Ritsu with her before the sun came up, and she’d been making Shu breakfast when she woke up. Shu was an early riser, _sure_ , but she wasn’t _happy_ about it. Mao brought breakfast upstairs and tried to convince Shu to eat it in bed, which Shu fought. They were eating at Mao’s desk and then crawling back into bed because when Shu had woken up it was _cold_ and Mao was so _warm_ and it simply wasn’t fair.

Mao laughed, kissed Shu, and told her that she at least needed to do some of her weekend homework before lazing in bed for the day. When Shu told her that she had done all of her homework on Friday before the Oddballs stayed at her house, Mao countered with the fact that she had club activities, Trickstar activities, student council duties, _and_ a Ritsu to drag home.

Shu kept her mouth shut unless Mao had a question on her homework.

Spending time with Mao was a lot easier than Shu expected. She wasn’t able to spend a lot of time with Kagehira, even, and they lived together. Spending over 24 consecutive hours with Mao was an accomplishment she was actually quite proud of.

Shu didn’t make it back to her own home until after eight, as she’d been invited by Mao’s family to stay for dinner, with the promise that she could take home extras for Kagehira.

They’d only left the house once, to bother Rei while she was trying to sleep (an extremely specific request from Shu, she’d ask that they went over _after_ one, it was the absolute least that Rei deserved). They spent the rest of the day in Mao’s bed, reading Mao’s mangas and watching movies on her computer, with more snuggles and kisses than Shu would have imagined not even an entire week ago when she’d asked Mao to accompany her to the café.

They ate dinner together with Mao’s family, and Shu was allowed another shower, but only if it was _under_ 20 minutes, and she kissed Mao some more until she realized she had to go home and make sure Kagehira ate.

Kagehira was happy to have food she didn’t cook, and let Shu lay face down on her tummy while she stroked her hair once she was done.

“At least you’re done with your gay crisis,” she laughed and Shu pushed herself up and off her bed.

“ _Non_ , I’m still having a crisis.” She sighed, and sat back down on the edge of the bed. “She’s going to grow bored of me eventually.”

“But she’s not bored of you _now_ and probably won’t be for a while.”

“Give her time, Kagehira.”

She responded by sticking her tongue out at Shu. “You just gotta treat her like a real human being and not one of your dolls. She’s a lot tougher than she looks but…she’s still human.” Shu sighed and looked at her hands. “Why don’t you have her come talk to you first thing in the morning then? Lay down some rules and expectations, make it _very_ clear what you are to each other? That should help your brain settle down.” Kagehira paused. “I know I can’t give you any good night kisses but I’m pretty sure that if she were here, she would. Goodnight, Oshi-san.”

.

Shu was going to _die._ She’d asked Mao to come to her clubroom so they could talk about the weekend and she had agreed, but then texted Shu to say she was running late because Ritsu was particularly prone to biting because she had been woken from her Sunday nap.

She caught brief glances of Mao throughout the day, but the hallways were _no place_ to talk about relationship status when you’re still closeted to most of the school.

Mao came to her clubroom immediately after school and kicked Kagehira and Aoba out, stating that she was here on student council business and needed to have a conversation with Shu regarding some inaccurate paperwork. Once the door was shut behind them, she hugged Shu and told her that her paperwork was flawless, _of course,_ but they did need to talk about the weekend and where that put them.

The conversation was easier than Shu thought it would be, and Kagehira was right when she said not to treat Mao like one of her dolls. That was one of Mao’s only requests from Shu, besides to keep some time open for them to be able to hang out, because it’s easier to have a girlfriend when you can actually see her.

Shu agreed to both points; she understood that Isara wasn’t fragile enough to be treated like a doll, and while she was beautiful enough to be one, Shu had driven away enough people with those behaviors.

Shu’s only request was not to ask for sex.

“I’m not the type of person to base a relationship on sex anyway,” Mao said quietly, crossing her ankles and looking down at her hands. “I mean, yeah, it’s nice but it’s not something I’m going to expect you to be down for when you had your first kiss just a few days ago.”

“That is an expectation some people have, though.”

“You’re right, absolutely, but I’m not going to push you into anything you’re uncomfortable with.” Mao paused. “You also have no experience whatsoever so sex would be me teaching you, essentially, and I’m sure it _could_ be fun but it also could be. Bad.”

“Are you saying I need to experiment with sex on my own before you’ll have sex with me?”

“No, but I’m also not going to have sex with you until like, after your birthday.”

“Two months from now?”

“Closer to three, actually.” Mao leaned forward and adjusted the (her) clip in Shu’s hair. “But if experimentation is something you want to do, I would recommend trimming your nails. I’m not joking. At least until you figure out what you’re doing.” Shu looked down at your hands. “Or have Sakuma-senpai get you some toys. I think she gets a discount somewhere.”

“What if Kagehira finds them, though? And she’d question why I started trimming my nails! I don’t think I can lie to her.”

“Then tell her the truth? Masturbation talk comes up _a lot_ in 2B; Ritsu goes into details about what she gets up to at night when Sakuma-senpai isn’t home and Narukami doesn’t make it much better.” Her fingers tapped on her knee. “Kagehira said you were gone for most of the weekend and she took advantage of having the house to herself, she didn’t have to lock her bedroom door because _someone_ doesn’t have enough manners to knock. Oogami calls her apartment a masturbation den, which is why you have to call her three hours in advance if you want to go over, so she can clean everything.”

“Did Kagehira mention where I was, by any chance?”

“No, all she said was that you were gone. Narukami saw us in the shopping district though, I told her I would make sure that Knights’ funds were cut if she told a single soul.”

“You’re going to be like Tenshouin if you keep talking like that.”

Mao shrugged, “all I would have to do is mention to fukukaichou that a member of Knights was spreading rumors about me, I wouldn’t have to touch the funds myself. Actually, that makes me sound more like Tenshouin than before. Whoops.” She grinned. “I can channel Knights’ funds in Valkyrie instead.”

.

They were almost caught kissing in the hallway by Hasumi. Shu found Mao after school, and there weren’t any Trickstar, Valkyrie, or club activities going on so Shu pulled Mao into a less frequented hallway and kissed her until she heard footsteps.

She still blamed Mao, because Mao was the one who turned her into a kiss hungry monster.

Mao told her that she wasn’t allowed to kiss her in school anymore.

.

They made it an entire month before the topic of sex came up again.

Shu brought it up, she wanted to know how far Mao had gone, and with who. She figured that it was fair to ask, they’d been together for a _month_ , and even though she knew Mao didn’t _owe_ her the information, she would still disclose because she was good and fair.

It was a comfort to know that Mao had never even thought about kissing a man, and _probably_ fair that she threatened Shu’s life if Rei ever found out she’d lost her virginity to Ritsu. Shu expected that.

What she _didn’t_ expect was to find out that Mao and Ritsu had a… thing up until about two weeks before they started dating.

“I don’t know, I think I realized I had a crush on you when you asked about the lotion. You were blushing so much and then after you left Rei _might_ have let it slip that there was a possibility you thought I was cute, so I asked Ritsu if she’d be fine calling things off indefinitely.” They were laying in Shu’s bed; Mao was laying on top of Shu, her head nestled between Shu’s breasts. “She was fine with it, of course. She’s kind of got a thing with another member of Knights anyway.”

“I’m going to kill Rei,” Shu whispered, bringing a hand to her face to rest over her eyes.

Mao yawned, stretching. “Don’t kill Sakuma-senpai. She was really rooting for you, you know?” Shu made a noncomittal noise in the back of her throat and Mao laughed. “Shu-chan,” she whined, “let’s take a nap.”

.

Their nap was short, interrupted by Kagehira dropping things on the floor in the kitchen and Mao blaming Ritsu in her “I didn’t get a good enough nap” state. Mao, who had stripped in before sleep so she wasn’t too _hot_ for Shu, had thrown on one of Shu’s t-shirts and climbed out of bed before Shu even realized that she was awake. Mao was mumbling under her breath and rubbing her eyes as she opened the door to yell for Ritsu to be quiet.

By the time Shu made it out of bed, Mao was at the table with Mika, eating a snack and trying not to doze back off. Mika giggled when Shu made her presence known, and pushed a plate across the table for her.

“I bought some croissants from that cafe you like when I was out on my date, oshi-san!”

“You shouldn’t have bought her _anything_ while you were on a date; how did Narukami even handle that?”

“Nnah, she didn’t like it but she admits that oshi-san’s gotta eat too!”

Shu sat next to Mao and rested her head on the shorter girl’s shoulder, pulling her plate with the croissant closer to her as Mao and Kagehira continued chatting quietly before Kagehira excused herself to head upstairs and take a shower. Mao was holding her, petting her hair softly, and she felt like she was on cloud nine.

Mao leaned back in her chair and looked down at Shu. “There is a thing I want to talk about really quick.” She paused, seemingly searching for words before continuing. “I know you haven’t _said_ you don’t like hearing about what my relationship with Ricchan was like, but I _know_ you don’t, so I’m going to try not to bring it up very often but… sometimes I feel like things between Ricchan and I were a little rushed? I don’t know. I feel like our relationship could have been different if we took things a little slower, like how things are going with you.” Shu nodded and started tearing her croissant to bits. Mao sighed. “I’m happy with you, Shu-chan.” Shu nodded again. “I really am. I think you’re gorgeous and charming and wonderful and sometimes Mademoiselle kind of freaks me out when she talks to me out of nowhere, but I truly do adore you and I wouldn’t change things.” She reached out to rest her hand on top of Shu’s.

“What was your relationship with Ritsu like?” Mao sighed again.

“Relationship wise? It was pretty much purely sex, if I’m honest. Ritsu was and still is my best friend and I love her, but I don’t love her like I love you. We’re just friends now and we’re both okay with it.” Mao stood. “If you’re done with your croissant, I’ll take care of the dishes.”

Shu nodded slowly, still looking down at the table, and she folded her hands in front of her. “Mao-chan,” she said softly when Mao started the dishes. “Meet me upstairs when you’re done.” Mao nodded, humming to herself.

“I’ll only be a minute, don’t get too comfy without me.”

Shu made her way upstairs and situated herself on her bed, legs crossed underneath her as she tried to calm herself down. Had Mao even realized that she’d made an offhand _love_ confession? Did she mean it when she said she loved Shu?

Shu was nervous, she was _terrified_ that Mao was going to come upstairs and she was going to confront her about it and Mao would laugh it off and say she didn’t mean it and Shu would have to break up with her and cut off all contact with Rei and also the entire school and change her name and move out of the country and she --

“Shu-chan, I need you to calm down and take deep breaths, okay? Hey, I’m right here, okay?” Shu nodded and reached out blindly, hoping Mao got the point and would hold her. She did. Mao held Shu, straddling her hips, stroking her hair lightly. “Are you okay?” she asked softly when Shu’s breathing calmed down. Shu nodded.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“And you overthought things a bit, didn’t you?”

“Don’t mock me!”

“I’m not, Shu, I promise.” Mao’s hand slowed on her hair. “What did you want to talk about?”

Shu pressed her face into Mao’s chest. “You said you loved me,” she whispered, muffled.

“Huh?”

She pulled her face away. “You said you loved me.”

“Oh. I did, didn’t I?” Mao hummed. “Did it make you uncomfortable?” Shu shook her head.

“No, I just…”

“Wanted to make sure I meant it?” Mao said softly. Shu nodded. “I did. But I won’t say it again if you don’t want me to.”

“No, _non,_ I do! I just…” Shu sighed. “Can Mademoiselle speak for a minute? You know I struggle with…”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Mao slid off of Shu’s lap and looked over at Mademoiselle expectantly, waiting for Shu to find the words to give her.

It took a moment, but Mademoiselle did speak. “Shu-chan is worried about the future,” was first. “She loves you too and she wants you to know that, but she _is_ graduating high school in a few months and she is leaving the country for university after she graduates. She wants to stay with you but she isn’t sure if the emotional labor and eventual pain is going to be worth it in the end.” She paused, and Mao looked at Shu to see if she could speak yet or not. Shu shook her head. “She wants to stay in a relationship and possibly try to see if something could work in England but she also acknowledges that it’s going to be hard and with your past with Ritsu-chan, it makes her nervous.” Shu cleared her throat.

“Shu,I love you.” Shu looked at Mao, surprised. She looked...almost angry. “First of all, I’m not going to leave you because you’re graduating or because you’re moving because I know that you’re going to come back. Second, my past relationship with Ricchan is my _past_ relationship with Ricchan. We’ve both moved on, we’re both happy, we’re not friends who fuck each other anymore; we’re just friends.” She paused to take a breath. “Whatever the future holds, we’re gonna try our hardest and kick its ass. I promise.” She took Shu’s hands in her own. “Look at me, please,” she said softly. “But for now, let’s take things one day at a time and not think about the long run, okay? We can try crossing that bridge when we get to it.” Shu nodded.

“You do love me?” she whispered, her thumbs stroking circles into the back of Mao’s hands.

Mao nodded. “I do.”

Shu leaned forward and kissed her nose. “Good. And I, you."

**Author's Note:**

> choked sobbing this is a lesbian only household
> 
> shu and mao have never once interacted in canon and i ship them because their hair looks pretty together in lessons thanks for coming to my ted talk
> 
> twt: @hibikls


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